Jun 28, 2012

Why do I want lots of $$$?

The only answer I can give you is because I don't see myself working until retirement age of 65. Or is it 70?

I truly don't want to.

Waterfront, Portland

I'm awesome at what I do, and you'd think that that's motivation to keep me wanting a full time job. I thought I did until I became a parent. During my parental leave, it allowed me to be in the moment with minimal worry about finances because I was getting something, about half of my salary at that time, while I was away. I enjoyed my new role as a mom. It also shifted my perspective about having a career. Those short 4 months made me question what I valued up to that point in my life.

When I went back to work, I didn't really feel the drive to stay competitive. My priority switched to being effective and efficient at work so that I can be of value. The "ladder" disappeared from my vision of my professional future. It became clear to me that I don't want to be a manager for the sake of the title. I always got assigned or nominated as group leader at school projects to the extent that I started declining new leadership roles due to multiple projects I was leading.

Now a leadership of sorts fell in my lap, inadvertently. The odd thing is that I'm the youngest in the group. I'm still resisting it in some ways without sacrificing my project.

Despite the compliments, I just really don't wanna do my job for a long time. I want to try something else before I am too old to do it. I can't imagine myself working in a building most of my adult life. I want to do something that's not fundamental to my survival (or my family's).

My point is that I'm working now to save money and use it to buy rental properties so that I could live off of rental income. It doesn't have to be as much as what we are earning now. I just want time to do other things, fun things, indulgent things, when I feel like it.

Hawthorne Bridge, Portland

I could be wrong in thinking that my job is preventing me from having fun, but it's true. I may be earning a lot but what's the point when I'm still dependent on it. This is partly why I don't like consuming things. For what? My ego is not any more pumped by owning something. Not even a house.

All I know is that living this life - going to work 5 days a week - isn't sustainable for my mental, spiritual, and psychological health. It's all still a grand, and somewhat nebulous, concept in my head but I'll get there. I'm saving as much as I can so that when it all becomes clear, I have the means to act on it immediately.

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