Mar 1, 2010


Vector image of two human figures with hands i...Image via Wikipedia
I'm struggling lately.

I woke up on Sunday morning to J telling me that he wanted to go to the US in April. It threw me off and the plan to go to town for an event just got trashed. We've spent 2 glorious days staying at home when we have no housework to do cos we've been good about keeping up with it. I cried cos I can see him struggling, and with that I struggle too.

He wants to move now. He wants to get there now. Initially he wanted to take the child with him so that his mom and sister could finally meet him, but after talking a lot through various times in the day, it became apparent that he needs to prioritize his desires. We don't have millions to just spend on a whim. The 2 things that put him in urgency to move are: 1. lack of job opportunities for his career in NZ and 2. his aging mom who has an illness.

Current job vs. New job in NZ
He doesn't want to spend another year in his current job, but he's not willing to get a job that pays lower than what he's earning now either. He's earning a good salary for his line of work here but if a similar job comes up it usually pays much lower. He also does not feel good about accepting a position that he likes knowing that he'd leave it in a year or less than that even.

Quitting current job and just leave
This doesn't make sense either. If he quit his job and go to the States to try his luck, where's the assurance that he'd get a job within 3 months tops? What would that do to our finances? If we decide on this, the baby and I are staying behind until he gets settled there. I'd take the baby out of daycare to reduce expenses and have my mom come over until we leave. With my salary alone, we'd do fine in that scenario but that's not taking J into account.

Staying in NZ for another 2 years
This is the most sensible decision but doesn't align to J's desires. It's one of those bittersweet things in life. This is not really an option in J's mind and to some extent I understand his sense of urgency. I was in an unhappy stage in a job twice.

As of today, we've so far managed to stay sane and nice to each other. It is hard becos the idea of the unknown (in this situation) scares me. But then again, a lot of people have done it. A lot of families from other countries have moved to NZ without a job. That said, it's a bit obvious that J is most likely to quit his job and go to NY to look for a job. I shouldn't be scared. Things are going to work out and we'll do it together as a family.

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