Jumping the gun

It had been a week since I talked to my mom about borrowing money to top-up our down payment. I didn't check in with her for the entire week to give her and dad time to mull over the big ask. She said to me that "without talking to your dad, I think we could lend you $15k".

So I took that as 75% yes, because I had always assumed that I could.

When I had the chance to Skype with dad while mom was out shopping for lunch ingredients, he only listened to me and didn't give any decision. I was disappointed, more on him not feeling comfortable with me to deliver the news.

Their money is earmarked to refurbish a property next year. While mom is not looking forward to that, dad is really pushing for it because he wants to be able to project manage that big effort while he's still young. He's only 58. Mom, not willing to go through a major project again, gave me a number that I clung to.

The disappointment was not about the money, so much as the fact that my dad couldn't tell me and talk with me about it. He just listened, and at one point I caught him changing the conversation. The idea wasn't mine anyway, it was J's, and we were just trying if we could. I could take it, and it's not like we have no money for a down payment.

When mom arrived, dad quickly turned over Skype to her and so I repeated the whole thing with mom and asked her about their decision because dad just listened to me. I could sense mom's apologetic tone that they couldn't lend money to me, but I was feeling bad about sensing that they were disappointing me when they really weren't. It's their money and they have every right to decide where it goes. I just didn't really like feeling that in that conversation I turned into an 8 year old and my parents sounded like they couldn't afford to buy me ice cream. :(

You know what I mean?